I’ve come to the conclusion that you don’t truly know what “fear” is until you try to plant a church! This is especially true when you’re attempting to plant a church from scratch with no people, no money and just a whole lot of hope that you’re doing the right thing. I’ve never really struggled with fear before in my life. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not some Superman or something that rushed into dangerous situations without considering the consequences. I have always just had a sense of confidence that I was competent enough to get the job done and everything will turn out fine in the end. Well, church planting is a WHOLE OTHER ANIMAL!
Planting a life giving church has nothing to do with my competence or my gifts or my talents…it really has nothing to do with me at all! And I’m cool with this because the last thing I want to do is start some ‘cult of personality’ church that is centered around any one person, especially me. Through this humbling process, I’m finding that I’m doing a lot less talking and a lot more listening…listening to Paige, listening to our community, listening to people that have wisdom and especially trying to listen to the still small voice of God. But you know what? When you’re really, really trying to hear from God, that still small voice can be really, really annoying! There are times when I NEED to hear from God and I don’t need a whisper or a pull in my spirit…I need a big, fat billboard saying “HEY TROY, GO THIS WAY!!”
And I guess that’s where the fear comes in. We are just at the beginning of this process but I find myself waking up in the middle of the night thinking thoughts like “where in the world are we going to get this core group” or “how am I going to communicate the vision that God has given me” or “what if I fail?” But I guess this is part of the refinement that comes with being a church planter. Sometimes I just wish that God could just download the service pack and skip the whole fear, doubt and trust that forces us to grow…but what fun would that be?!
3 Comments
October 21, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Troy,
Man am I with you. I just moved to Panama City Beach two weeks ago to plant a new church here. No people yet, not enough money, just a vision and a desire to do something here. It is in the COG, and with little presence up here, most of my communications are coming from pastors a long way from where I am. Besides fear, here’s another thing I am dealing with. LONELINESS! I work all day in a coffee shop which is good, but miss the interactions with “staff members.” Are you the same? You can email me at ben@baypointechurch.tv if you want. Keep pushing man, it will pay off.
October 21, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Get used to that feeling, unfortunately! It is just part of the gig.
I never felt that fear or anxiety as a youth pastor or an associate pastor. I did ministry, didn’t worry about the mortgage or attendance, and went to my box every Friday and found another check had magically appeared.
From the moment I seriously considered taking my own church that needed to be replanted 8 years ago, until this very moment, that fear, anxiety, thrill, weight… however you describe it…. is has been there every moment of every day. the first time I felt it I couldn’t figure out what it was. Just about the moment it disappears from my periphery, it reappears.
It has not stopped feeling like I am walking on the edge of some cliff and I could be blown off at any second. At the same time, you can’t lead from the safety away from the cliffs edge.
I’ve decided I’d rather fail trying than play it safe. With that decision comes all of those emotions. Wear it well.
October 22, 2009 at 12:44 am
Welcome to being a pastor!!! I wish I could tell you that at some point it gets easier…it won’t. However, it is the most rewarding thing that I have ever done in my life. (Other than getting married and having kids). I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I love it.
It’s like being a father. Sometimes your kids stress you out and you worry and you’re fearful and you have no idea what you’re doing, but somehow you figure it out. Somehow it just works out and everything isn’t as bad as you thought. Then when your kids tell you they love you and they hug and kiss you, you think, MAN THIS IS SOOOO COOL!!!
Take a deep breath, brother. You will discover at some point it is all worth it.