Troy Hamby

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Have you ever gotten to a place in your life when you have NO STINKING CLUE what to do next? I think I’m at that place right now. I have a lot of great possibilities and things I ‘could’ do, but I’m not exactly sure which path to take next and it’s stressing me out. And to make matters more complicated, I now have 2 children and a wife that are depending on me to hear from God and make wise decisions…THANKS A LOT!! I know that I should’t be stressed out…I’ve preached Matthew 6 a million times and told church folk to “not be anxious for thier lives” and that God loves them more than sparrows and lillies but it’s much easier to preach than to live.

In trying to ascertain why I’m so stressed, many different reasons have risen to the surface…the economy, bigger family, trying to lose weight…but one stands out above all the others. I have this nagging, gnawing feeling that I’m suppposed to be “doing” something and if I’m not involved in ‘church ministry’ then I’m not really doing anything for God. I thought that I had broken free of that mindset, but I guess I haven’t because I find myself waking up in a cold sweat with the feeling that my life is passing me by. As I’ve thought about this and prayed about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that this uneasiness is NOT from God but He is using it to refine and change me.

He’s changing me so that I can understand that I please Him and that He loves me regardless of what I’m “doing” for Him. This is a tough concept for me to grasp because I grew up in the Protestant tradition that says that “yes, you’re saved by grace but you suck if you miss 1 check on the check list!” I always heard that God was a God of love and that grace is God’s unmerited favor towards me (the sinner) but there was always that underlying pressure to perform. It was almost like there was a caste system within every church that I was a part of:

*Super Christian: has a ‘quiet time’ with God every day, reads through the Bible at least once a year, tithes the full 10% and even gives offerings on top of that, volunteers in 2 or 3 ministries in the church and has a scripture in their holster and is ready to use it under any circumstance

*Casual Christian: comes to church but may miss a Sunday here or there, may not tithe the full 10%, tries really hard but you can tell they probably don’t pray or read their Bibles on a consistent basis, tries to use Christianeze but you can tell they’re not fluent and may even slip and cuss every now and then, may volunteer in the church but you can’t really rely on them

*Church Hopper: this family shows up one Sunday and immediately wants to have lunch with the Pastor, they sign up for nursery duty/youth group/choir on thier 1st Sunday, when you dig a little deeper, you find that they were EXTREMELY hurt at their previous church by either the Pastor or someone else in leadership, they are SUPER DUPER excited about the vision of the church and cannot wait to lead the charge to make that vision happen, leaves after 3 months because they aren’t being ‘fed’

*”Don’t Know Why You’re Here” Christian: shows up about once a month maybe, never contributes financially, is always dealing with major disasters in their lives and constantly needs ‘counseling’, has strong opinions on the way things ‘should be done’ in the church, misses about 2 months in a row and you never see them again.

Up until recently, almost everyone who walked through the church doors fit very nicely into one of these categories. But, now that I’m on the other side of the pulpit, I’m seeing that everything isn’t so black or white. People go through crap in thier lives and believe it or not, what church people think is not the most important thing at the moment. I’m finding out now that going to church makes you no more of a Christian than going to McDonald’s makes you a McGriddle. True, honest, sincere ministry should be taking place in our lives every single day, every single moment and trying to live up to Super Christian status can actually hinder this.

I no longer am looking for a church to inspire me with some super vision to win the world for Christ. I long to be a part of a true community that is radically diverse but has one thing in common: CRAZY LOVE FOR CHRIST AND FOR EACH OTHER! That’s it! A place where the atmosphere is charged with unconditional acceptance and hope…hope not only for our heavenly home but hope that this world can be changed with a massive dose of love and mercy. A group of people that emanate grace and peace to a generation that is wracked with guilt, anxiety and condemnation. I believe this can happen…I believe this WILL happen…I just don’t know how to get there!